{"product_id":"humorous-soy-candle-earth-2-5-stars-wouldnt-recommend-9oz-scented-jar","title":"Humorous Soy Candle – \"Earth: 2\/5 Stars, Wouldn't Recommend\" – 9oz Scented Jar","description":"A small, hand-poured soy candle that blends sustainable craft with sharp-witted charm. The 9oz glass jar holds a clean-burning soy wax and cotton wick, filling rooms with whichever curated scent you choose — from cozy Cinnamon Vanilla and Christmas Warmth to bright Apple Harvest, oceanic Atlantis Whisper, or a neutral Unscented glow. The label’s tongue-in-cheek review (“Earth: 2\/5 Stars, Wouldn’t Recommend.”) adds a playful, slightly sardonic personality that fits on a nightstand, bookshelf, or desk. Burn time of roughly 50–60 hours lets the fragrance unfold slowly, and when the wax is gone the sturdy glass vessel can be cleaned and reused as a planter, storage jar, or decorative accent. Made in the USA with globally sourced parts and packaged with a glossy permanent label for long-lasting presentation.\n\nProduct features\n- 100% natural soy wax blend with 100% cotton wick — clean, vegan, non-toxic burn\n- Reusable glass vessel — clean out and repurpose after use\n- Approximately 50–60 hours burn time per 9oz candle\n- Choose from 12 curated scents (including Apple Harvest, Cinnamon Vanilla, Sea Salt + Orchid, and Unscented)\n- Complies with ASTM safety standards; assembled in the USA\n\nCare instructions\n- Keep burning candle within sight. Keep away from children and pets.  Never burn the candle near flammable items. \t\t\t\t\t\n","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Clean Cotton \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491097792,"sku":"22081123191801563549","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sea Salt + Orchid \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491130560,"sku":"25659317914196608005","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White Sage and Lavender \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491163328,"sku":"23006629255505839169","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Apple Harvest \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491196096,"sku":"21161544007337185953","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Cinnamon Vanilla \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491228864,"sku":"68062447308414275334","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Christmas Warmth \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491261632,"sku":"16677002938662258370","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coconut Cream + Cardamom \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491294400,"sku":"48313541811165586543","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Peppered Passionfruit \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491327168,"sku":"52982747668367326632","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Unscented \/ 9oz","offer_id":48709491359936,"sku":"31851091120163481418","price":22.15,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0772\/5619\/6288\/files\/7073554622241345094_2048.jpg?v=1785780782","url":"https:\/\/shirtastrophe.com\/products\/humorous-soy-candle-earth-2-5-stars-wouldnt-recommend-9oz-scented-jar","provider":"Shirtastrophe","version":"1.0","type":"link"}